Your first meeting with a family lawyer

I drove to the first appointment with a yellow A4 envelope on the passenger seat. It contained, I thought, everything she'd need: a few payslips, a bank statement, a list of questions on the back of a council rates notice. I was pretty pleased with myself. I'd prepared.

I had not prepared.

She got through my list in eight minutes and then asked me a series of questions I had no answers to. What's your super balance? What's the redraw on the mortgage? When did you actually separate, as opposed to start sleeping in different rooms? Do you have a copy of any text messages where the separation was discussed? I left the meeting having spent $480 to be told mostly what I didn't know.

This is the prep guide I wish someone had emailed me the week before that appointment.

What to bring

The lawyer needs facts. Bring them in document form, not from memory.

• Payslips for the last three months. Both yours and your ex's if you can lay hands on them.
• Most recent tax returns and notices of assessment. Both parties if available.
• Bank statements (savings, transactional, joint) for the last three months.
• Mortgage statement showing balance, repayment, redraw if applicable.
• Most recent super statements. Both parties if possible.
• Credit card statements. Joint and individual.
• A list of significant assets: house, cars, investments, businesses, valuable items.
• A list of significant debts: mortgage, personal loans, ATO debts, HECS, anything you owe.
• The dates that matter: when you got married (or started cohabiting, for de facto), when you separated, the kids' dates of birth.
• A short summary of any text/email exchanges where the separation was acknowledged.

If you can't get all of this, bring what you can. The lawyer would rather see partial real documents than complete guesses from memory.

What to write down before you go

A one-page summary, in your own words, that you read once before the meeting. It should cover:

• The headline: "I'm separating from my partner of X years. We have Y kids aged Z."
• Where you currently live (same house, separate house, who's where).
• The kids' current arrangement (who's where on which nights).
• The biggest assets and debts.
• The two or three things you're most worried about.
• The two or three outcomes you'd consider success.

This forces you to think clearly before you sit down. It also lets the lawyer triage your case in the first five minutes rather than spending half the appointment getting context.

Questions to ask

Pick five or six from this list, depending on your situation.

• What does my situation look like to you, on the facts I've given you?
• What's the realistic range of outcomes, both for parenting and property?
• What are the most important next steps in the next 30, 60, 90 days?
• How is your firm's fee structure? Are there fixed-fee options for stages of work?
• Who will I actually deal with day to day? You, a junior, a paralegal?
• How do you typically communicate? Email, phone, in writing?
• When do you recommend mediation vs lawyer-to-lawyer negotiation vs court?
• What mistakes do clients in my position commonly make in the first three months?
• Are there things I should be doing right now to protect my position (and equally, things I should not be doing)?
• What's your view on whether my case is likely to settle or end up in court?

Don't try to ask all of them. Pick the ones that matter most for your situation.

What to expect to pay

Initial consultations vary. Most family law firms in Australia in 2026 charge $300-600 for an hour, often as a fixed fee. Some offer a free 15-30 minute initial chat to establish whether the case is one they can take.

If the firm wants more than $700 for an initial consult, ask what makes their first hour worth more. The answer might be legitimate (very senior practitioner, complex matter). It might also be that you're being upsold.

Bring your card and pay before you leave. Don't ask for an account.

What you should leave with

A good initial consult sends you home with three things, even if no formal engagement happens.

• A clear sense of what your case actually looks like to a professional.
• A short list of immediate next steps you can take in the next two weeks.
• A written estimate (or at least a rough verbal one) of what each stage of work will cost.

If you leave without those three things, the lawyer either didn't run the meeting well or your case needs more information before it can be assessed. Either way, don't sign anything yet.

What not to do in the first meeting

A few traps.

• Don't talk for 50 minutes about why your ex is awful. The lawyer is trained to listen but you're paying by the hour. Stay on facts.
• Don't promise things you can't deliver in the meeting. ("I'll get those super statements by Friday", only commit if you actually can.)
• Don't sign a costs agreement on the spot if it's the first lawyer you've spoken to. Take it home, read it properly, decide overnight.
• Don't fixate on the worst-case outcome. The lawyer will give you a range. The middle of the range is usually the right place to plan around.
• Don't withhold things you think look bad for you. The lawyer needs to know everything to advise you properly. The other side's lawyer will eventually find anything you tried to hide, and it'll look worse then.

After the meeting

Within 24 hours, write down:

• The three most important things the lawyer said.
• The action items you committed to.
• Your honest gut feel on whether this is the right lawyer for you.

If the gut feel is mixed, book another initial consult with a different firm. The cost of two initial consults ($600-1200) is trivial compared to the cost of a year with the wrong lawyer.

When to engage formally

Engage when three things are true.

• You've met with at least two lawyers and one of them clearly stood out.
• You understand what you're paying for, what you're not, and what triggers extra costs.
• You trust them to tell you things you don't want to hear.

A formal engagement usually means signing a costs agreement and paying an initial retainer (often $2,000-5,000, held in trust). From that point, the lawyer is officially your lawyer and the relationship is on the clock.

One last thing

The first meeting is the most important conversation in the whole legal process. It sets the framing, the tone, the strategy. Spend more time preparing for it than you think you need to.

Bring documents. Ask questions. Trust your gut.