Holidays overseas after divorce

I booked the flights to Bali three months out, sat down with a beer, and felt great about myself for about thirty seconds. Then I remembered that the kids' passports were six years old and probably about to expire, and that even if they weren't, I was going to need a signed piece of paper from my ex to get them out of the country. The beer didn't taste as good after that.

Overseas holidays with the kids after divorce are entirely possible. Plenty of divorced dads do them every year. But they involve a different sequence of paperwork than the holidays you used to take when the family was one household, and getting the order right matters. Here's the actual process, the failure modes, and the ways it can go wrong if you're not paying attention.

The Australian rule: both parents have to consent

The base case in Australia is simple, even if the wording is dense. To get an Australian passport for a child under 18, both parents (or every person with parental responsibility) have to consent in writing. Even if you've already got a passport for the child, taking that child overseas without the other parent's written consent can be a criminal offence under section 65Y or 65Z of the Family Law Act if there are any current or pending parenting orders.

The consent has to be in writing. The form is a Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade form (the relevant one is the B-9 form for new or renewed passports, sometimes called the "Child Passport Application Consent" form). It needs both parents' signatures, witnessed.

If your parenting orders or your parenting plan don't say anything specific about overseas travel, the default is: you need her consent each time you go. Some parenting plans bake in pre-consent for travel within certain countries (often Hague Convention signatories), some require notice but not consent, some require consent for every trip. Read your plan carefully. If you don't have one, you need consent.

The B-9 (and what people actually call "the child travel form")

People talk about "the child travel form" as if it's one document, but in practice you may be dealing with several:

• Passport consent: the form a non-applying parent signs so a child can get or renew a passport. Without this, no passport.
• Travel consent letter: not strictly mandatory in all cases for departure, but worth carrying. A signed letter from the non-travelling parent saying "I consent to my child travelling with [Robin Leonard] to [country] from [date] to [date]." Useful at airports, borders, and especially at re-entry. Some countries actively ask for it on arrival.
• Court orders or a parenting plan copy: if your travel right is established by a court order, carry a certified copy. It is the document that closes any argument about whether the trip is permitted.

A useful belt-and-braces approach: get the passport consent done well before you book. Get a separate travel consent letter signed for the specific trip, with dates, country, accommodation contact, and your contact details. Carry both, plus a copy of the parenting orders, when you fly.

What to do if she won't sign

This is the bit that kills a lot of trips. You've planned the holiday, the kids are excited, and your ex says no. Or, more commonly, says nothing at all and lets the silence do the work.

The first thing to do is take the temperature down. Send a written message (use whatever channel you usually use, but in writing) outlining the trip in detail: where, when, with whom, the itinerary, the accommodation, your contact while away, the return date. Often the no, or the silence, is fed by a fear that you're going somewhere the kids can't be reached or somewhere they could get stuck. Specifics dissolve some of that fear.

If you still get no, your options narrow:

• Mediation, through Family Relationship Centres or a private family dispute resolution practitioner. Cheap, sometimes free, often quick enough to save the trip if you start early.
• Application for specific issues order under section 65 of the Family Law Act, asking the court to give you permission to travel. The court will look at the best interests of the child, the destination's risk profile, the duration, and whether the child is likely to be returned. This takes months, not weeks. Don't book non-refundable flights and then start the application.
• Negotiation through lawyers. Sometimes a letter from your solicitor outlining the proposed travel and the legal framework is enough to shift a passive no.

The thing not to do, ever: try to leave the country with the kid without consent or an order, hoping it'll be fine. It won't be. At best you'll be stopped at the airport. At worst you'll be charged under the Family Law Act with international child abduction, even if your intentions were pure. The Family Court takes a very dim view, and Border Force does too.

The Hague Convention, briefly

If the worst happens (you do take the kids to a country, in good faith, and your ex says she didn't actually consent), the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction is the international framework that governs return. Australia is a signatory; so are most countries you'd holiday in (the US, UK, NZ, most of the EU, Japan, Singapore, Thailand). Bali / Indonesia is NOT a Hague signatory, which is one reason it gets a flag from family lawyers. Other popular Australian destinations not currently on the list include Vietnam, Malaysia, the Philippines, and most of the Middle East.

What this means in practice: if you took the kids to a non-Hague country and a dispute arose, the legal mechanism for getting them back is much weaker. Family lawyers and Border Force know this. So if you're proposing a trip to a non-Hague country and there's any history of conflict over travel, expect the consent conversation to be harder. It's a flag, not a deal-breaker, but plan accordingly. Get consent locked down in writing well before you book non-refundable anything.

This works the other way too. If you're worried about your ex taking the kids somewhere they shouldn't, a Family Court order can be lodged with the Australian Federal Police's Family Law Watchlist, which flags the kids' details at all international departure points. Real teeth. Don't use it casually, but it exists.

Planning the actual holiday so it doesn't blow up

Assume consent is locked. Assume passports are valid (more than six months past your return date, because many countries require this). The next layer is the trip itself, which has its own divorced-dad-specific failure modes.

A working checklist:

• Time the trip in your blocks, not hers. If your parenting arrangement is week-on, week-off, plan the trip across two of your weeks. If it's alternate weekends, plan it across an extended block agreed for school holidays. Don't eat into her time, even if she'd "probably be fine with it." A grudge later isn't worth the day.
• Inform her in detail. Itinerary, flights, accommodation, contact info, time zones. Send it as a single document, not a drip-feed. She has a right to know where her kids are and how to reach them. Treat that as a feature, not a bug.
• Set the call cadence. A quick call or video on arrival, then a regular slot during the week. Whatever the kids would normally have. Don't overdo it (they're on holiday) but don't go silent either.
• Pack the paperwork. Passport (six months validity past return), travel consent letter, copy of parenting orders or plan, your own ID, the kids' Medicare cards, travel insurance details. Print copies. Leave a set with someone reliable at home.
• At the airport, expect to be asked. Particularly at outbound, and more particularly if it's just you and the kids without their mum. Australian Border Force officers are professional but thorough. Have the consent letter in your hand before you reach the desk. Don't make them ask twice.
• At re-entry, the same. Some destination countries (South Africa is famous for this, but others have followed) require you to present consent at arrival as well as departure. Check the destination's official rules a fortnight before you fly, not the day before.
• Kids' luggage: pack lighter than you think you need. Half the kid's bag should be empty for stuff they'll bring back. Trust me.

A small but useful tip: if the kids have different surnames from yours (which post-divorce is more common than people think), the questions at borders multiply. Carry the original birth certificate. Some countries will not let you through without it, even with consent in hand.

When something goes wrong

It happens. A flight gets cancelled, a kid spikes a fever, a passport gets lost, a planned activity falls through. The instinct is to handle it solo and tell your ex when you get home. That's the wrong instinct.

If something significant goes wrong, tell her promptly. In writing, factually, without drama. "Heads up, [kid] has a stomach bug, we've seen a doctor at the hotel, here's the diagnosis, here's the medication, all fine, will keep you posted." The reason isn't transparency for transparency's sake; it's that anything you don't tell her, she'll hear from the kid later, with a more dramatic spin. Get there first.

If something genuinely serious happens (an accident, a hospitalisation, a missing-passport situation, a custody-relevant complication), call. Don't message. Call. Then send a written summary of the call after, so the record exists. The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade's consular line (1300 555 135 from inside Australia, +61 2 6261 3305 from anywhere) is an underrated resource and very competent.

The first trip is the hardest

The first overseas holiday after divorce is the hardest one. You're proving, to yourself and to the system, that you can run the trip. Once you've done one, the next ones are easier. The paperwork becomes routine. The rhythm with your ex around travel becomes more workable. The kids stop being anxious about it. By the third or fourth trip, it's just a holiday again.

Be early on the consent. Be honest about the itinerary. Carry the paperwork. Tell the kids the rules at the airport before you arrive (don't joke about bombs, please) and let them feel the trip belongs to them.

Plan early. Sign early. Fly steady.