50/50 or not, the honest conversation

The first time my lawyer said the words "50/50 isn't a right, it's a starting hypothesis," I went quiet for a full minute. I'd assumed it was the default, the fair outcome, the thing dads fought for and either got or didn't. It's none of those things.

Equal-time parenting is one option among several. Sometimes it's the right one. Sometimes it's the worst one. The honest conversation is about which.

What the law actually says (Australia, post-2024)

The Family Law Amendment Act 2023 came into force in May 2024. It removed the old "presumption of equal shared parental responsibility" that had been in the Family Law Act since 2006. People misread that change as the courts going against fathers. They didn't. They removed a presumption that, in practice, was being used to push for equal-time outcomes that didn't suit the kids.

What's left, in plain English:

• The court decides on what's in the best interests of the child. Section 60CC.
• There is no longer a starting assumption about how time is split.
• Parents can still agree on whatever arrangement they want, and the court will generally support agreements that are workable and child-focused.
• "Substantial and significant time" is still a phrase that gets used, but it's now decoupled from the old equal-shared-responsibility framing.

The practical translation: 50/50 is available, common, and often workable. It is not automatic, not a right, and not always the right answer.

When 50/50 actually works

I know couples doing it well. The pattern is consistent. They have:

• Two homes within a short drive of each other (ideally same school catchment).
• Kids old enough to handle the transition (rough rule of thumb: school-aged, and the kids themselves don't dread it).
• Parents who can communicate without it turning into a war (text-only is fine, you don't need to be friends).
• Work schedules that allow both parents to do school pick-up, homework, sport.
• A rhythm the kids understand. Week-on-week-off, or 2-2-3, or whatever, but consistent.

If all five are true, 50/50 can be genuinely good for kids. They get both parents fully, not the watered-down weekend-dad version of the old model.

When 50/50 doesn't work

The honest list, including the cases people don't talk about.

• One parent works FIFO, shift work, or hours that mean the kids are with a babysitter for most of the "with that parent" time. The kids effectively get a babysitter half the week.
• The houses are 40 minutes apart and the kids are doing 80 minutes a day on the road plus lost belongings and forgotten homework.
• The parents can't be in the same room without it escalating, so handovers are toxic and the kids absorb every second of it.
• One parent is using equal-time as a child-support reduction strategy rather than because they want the time. (This happens. The kids notice.)
• The kids are very young (under 3) and the science on attachment is genuinely contested at that age.
• One of the parents has substance, mental-health, or violence issues that the other isn't naming because it feels like betrayal.

The geometry that actually matters

The single biggest predictor of how 50/50 will go is geographic. If you and the other parent live within walking distance of each other and the school, equal time becomes lightweight. The kids barely notice. Their stuff stays where they need it. They can ride a bike from one house to the other if they forget their PE kit.

If you're 30 minutes apart, it's hard. If you're 90 minutes apart, it's not 50/50, it's two separate childhoods stitched together with a car.

Geography first. Schedule second. Ideology last.

What to ask yourself, honestly

Before you fight for 50/50, sit down with a piece of paper and answer:

• Am I asking for this because I want the time, or because the alternative feels like losing?
• Can I actually be present (not just physically present) for half the week?
• Is the schedule I want one the kids can describe and predict?
• Will the handovers be safe and low-conflict, or will the kids dread them?
• Am I willing to revisit this in 12 months if it isn't working for the kids?

If you can answer those without flinching, 50/50 is probably the right ask. If you're flinching, look at what's underneath.

Other arrangements that work

Equal time isn't the only "good dad" outcome. There are dozens of arrangements that give kids strong relationships with both parents.

• Week-on, week-off (clean, but a long stretch away from each parent).
• 2-2-5-5 (two with mum, two with dad, five with mum, five with dad, feels more even week-to-week).
• 2-2-3 (alternating short stretches, good for younger kids who do better with shorter gaps).
• Term-time-with-one, weekends-and-half-of-holidays-with-other (used to be standard, still works if geography is wide).
• 9/5 or 8/6 splits that aren't equal but are substantial.

The number doesn't define the relationship. Showing up does.

The conversation to have

If you and the other parent are on speaking terms, have the conversation about what works for the kids before you have it about what feels fair to you. Map the geography. Map the work schedules. Map the kids' commitments. Then ask: given all of that, what's the schedule that means the kids see both of us properly?

Sometimes that's 50/50. Sometimes it's 60/40. Sometimes it's 70/30 with both parents agreeing it'll move toward 50/50 as the youngest gets older.

Fair to the kids. Fair to both of you. In that order.