The legal and financial

The lawyer I eventually saw was a woman in her fifties in a small Sydney practice. The first thing she said to me, after I'd given her the eight-minute summary, was: "Right. None of what you just told me about being gay is legally relevant to what we're going to do. Let's start again."

I needed to hear that.

I am not your lawyer. The information here is the operating frame. Get a lawyer for the specifics.

What "no-fault" actually means here

Australia has had no-fault divorce since 1975. Your sexuality is not a factor a court can use against you.

Specifically:

• The grounds for divorce are simply that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, evidenced by 12 months of separation.
• Property settlement under section 79 looks at contributions and future needs. Your sexuality is not a contribution, a need, or a factor.
• Custody under "the best interests of the child" doesn't include your sexuality.

A lawyer who hints that you should "be careful what you disclose" because of your sexuality is giving you bad legal advice.

Property settlement, the four-step frame

Australian property settlement isn't 50/50 by law. Most settlements end up between 45/55 and 60/40.

Step 1: identify the asset pool. Every asset and liability of both parties.

Step 2: assess contributions. Financial, non-financial, homemaker/parent.

Step 3: assess future needs. Age, health, earning capacity, primary care of kids.

Step 4: ensure the result is "just and equitable".

A typical Australian mixed-orientation separation, with two adults in their 40s or 50s, similar earning histories, lands in 50/50 territory.

Custody, the same logic

Parental responsibility in Australia is assessed under "the best interests of the child":

• The benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both parents.
• The need to protect the child from harm.

Sexuality is not one of the considerations.

In practice, for most mixed-orientation separations: 50/50 living arrangements are common where both parents have been actively involved.

What can affect a custody case is conduct during the separation: badmouthing the other parent, instability, drinking heavily, introducing new partners to the kids too quickly.

Spousal maintenance

If your wife has been out of the workforce for years, she may be entitled to spousal maintenance for a period. Two-step test: she has a need, you have a capacity to pay.

Spousal maintenance is usually time-limited, often 1-3 years.

Mediation first, court last

The path most separations actually take:

• Each party gets independent legal advice.
• The lawyers exchange financial disclosures.
• The parties attend mediation.
• If mediation produces an agreement, it gets formalised in Consent Orders or a Binding Financial Agreement.
• If not, the matter heads to court.

For a typical non-adversarial separation, the timeline is 6-12 months from disclosure to formalised orders, costing $5,000-$20,000 each.

Why you still need a lawyer, even for "amicable"

A lawyer for an amicable separation costs $3,000-$8,000. A lawyer to fix an amicable separation that quietly went wrong costs ten times that.

What a lawyer does for you:

• Explains what you're entitled to before you agree to less.
• Stops you signing a document that locks you out of something.
• Models the property pool.
• Drafts the Consent Orders or BFA in language that holds up.

The financial sequence in the first six months

• Month 1. See a lawyer for a 30-minute initial consultation.
• Month 1-2. Don't move out without legal advice.
• Month 2-3. Both parties prepare financial disclosure.
• Month 3-4. Mediation.
• Month 4-6. Drafting and signing of Consent Orders.

The sexuality and the law, restated

Your sexuality is private. It is not legally relevant to property, custody, or maintenance under Australian family law.

What is legally relevant: how you behave during separation. Disclose financially. Stick to interim arrangements. Don't badmouth her. Don't spend down the asset pool.

Get a lawyer. Mediate. Disclose fully. Sign the orders.