The social architecture

Three weeks into my third attempt, I drove home from a friend's BBQ at 11pm with a pre-roll in my coat pocket. I sat in the car in my driveway for fifteen minutes deciding whether to smoke it. I did not.

This module is the social architecture.

The partner conversation

Have it on day zero.

"I'm taking 90 days off the weed. It's something I'm doing for me. I'm not asking you to do anything different. I'll probably be in a worse mood for the first week."

Three things in that script worth keeping:

• You're doing it for you. Don't blame her, don't credit her.
• You're not asking her to change anything.
• Tell her how to handle the bad week.

If she also smokes, the harder version of the conversation is honest. "I am going to need you to not smoke in the bedroom for ninety days."

The mate who smokes

Tell him before he passes you one:

"Hey, just a heads-up, I'm taking ninety days off the smoke. Not weird about you doing it, just don't pass it my way."

A good mate adjusts in three seconds.

The ride home from the BBQ

This is the moment most plans don't account for. The hard moment is forty-five minutes after the joint went around, on the drive home.

The architecture:

• Don't take the joint when it's offered.
• If someone presses one into your pocket, fish it out and hand it back.
• If you've already accepted it, throw it out at a service station.
• Drink a coffee on the way home.

This is not willpower. This is plumbing.

The festival, the wedding, the trip away

For festivals/weddings: drive yourself, eat properly before, tell one person you're with, plan an exit time.

For trips away: take a book, don't stay in the smoking room, make a morning plan.

The dinner-party joint passed your way

Two responses, both fine:

• "Cheers, not for me tonight."
• "Cheers, I'm off it for a bit."

Don't explain. The impulse to explain is the impulse to ask permission.

The principle

Don't try to remove weed from your social life. Try to remove yourself from the parts where weed is the load-bearing element, just for ninety days.

Tell early. Plan exits. Don't take the pre-roll on the way out the door.