The relapse map

I have relapsed three times across the years I've worked on this. None of them was a surprise in retrospect.

Most failures aren't failures of will. They're failures of forecasting.

Failure point one: weeks 6-9, the "I've made it" moment

Around week six, you start to feel objectively good. And then the thought arrives:

"I think I've actually done it. I could have one and it wouldn't pull me back."

This thought has a 90 percent failure rate.

The architecture against it:

• Pre-commit on paper. Write down on day one: "If, between weeks five and ten, I find myself thinking I can have just one, the answer is no. Not until day 90."
• Recognise the voice. It's not your honest voice.
• Don't argue with it. Walk.
• Tell someone you've had the thought.

If you smoke at week six, you are not going back to "occasional". You are going back to where you were on day zero.

Failure point two: the milestone celebration

Birthdays. Weddings. The promotion. The 40th.

The architecture:

• Decide in the morning, not in the moment.
• Plan the exit.
• Don't be the one running the bar.

A note: the wedding you smoked at is the wedding you smoked at, forever.

Failure point three: the personal crisis

The thing you didn't see coming. The diagnosis. The redundancy. The fight with your wife.

Two things to know.

Smoking weed during a crisis does not actually help. It blunts the immediate hour, interrupts the sleep that helps you process, slows down the decisions you have to make.

The crisis is not the time to be brave. The crisis is the time to use the people, not the chemical.

The architecture:

• Call before you smoke. Two phone numbers, written down, before you start the 90 days.
• Sleep first, decide later.
• Eat, drink water, walk around the block.
• If it's serious, see your GP.

Failure point four: the sleep collapse from a hard work week

You've been off it for forty days. Work goes through a brutal stretch. The thought arrives:

"I just need three nights to reset my sleep."

This is the one that wears the most reasonable disguise.

The architecture:

• Notice the work cycle early. Mark in your calendar: "Sleep risk window."
• Move the bedtime. Bed by 9.30pm for a week.
• Don't drink in the work cycle.
• Use a real sleep aid for a fortnight if you have to. Magnesium glycinate, chamomile, a melatonin tablet.
• If you genuinely can't sleep without weed for months on end, the underlying issue is bigger than weed.

The principle

Failure is forecastable. Mark all four windows in your calendar before you start.

Forecast it. Forewarn it. Don't smoke through it.