The funeral was on a Thursday. I gave the eulogy. I'd written it on the Tuesday night, three drafts, and read the final version aloud to my wife at midnight while she sat on the kitchen bench. She told me to cut two paragraphs. She was right.
What's actually required in Australia
Less than the funeral industry will suggest.
Legally:
- A death certificate.
- A registered funeral director.
- A burial plot or cremation booking.
- Notification to Births, Deaths and Marriages.
Costs (rough 2026 numbers):
- Basic cremation, no service: $3,000-$5,000
- Cremation with a small service: $6,000-$10,000
- Burial with a service: $10,000-$18,000
- "Full" funeral with extras: $15,000-$30,000+
Ask for itemised quotes from two providers.
The funeral director's job
A good funeral director earns their money. A bad one upsells.
What to ask:
- Total all-in cost, itemised.
- What's optional.
- What happens if you bring your own celebrant, flowers, catering.
- Their cancellation policy.
- A timeline of what they need.
Bring one other family member. Take notes. Don't sign on the day.
The decisions that have to get made
Cremation or burial. If your parent left a wish, follow it.
Service style. Religious, civil, hybrid, or none. Pick the celebrant based on the audience, not on tradition alone.
Who speaks. Three people, max.
Music. Two or three pieces. Whatever your parent actually liked.
Flowers. A coffin spray and a few standing arrangements is plenty.
Where after. A wake at the parents' house, a pub, a function room.
What people actually need on the day
- Food. Sandwiches, sausage rolls, slices, tea, coffee, beer, wine. Hands-free food.
- Simple instructions. A printed booklet.
- Somewhere to stand.
People will not remember whether the flowers were lilies or roses. They will remember being fed and being told what to do.
The eulogy
Six to eight minutes. About 800-1,000 words.
Not a CV. Three or four stories that show who they actually were, told plainly. One funny one if it fits the room.
Practical:
- Write it down. Print in 14pt.
- Read it out loud at home, twice.
- Have a sibling stand near the lectern.
- Drink of water on the lectern.
- Don't memorise it. Reading is fine. Crying mid-eulogy is fine.
The bar is lower than you think. The room is on your side from the moment you stand up.
Eat early. Speak briefly. Stand near the door at the end.
Further watching
- 01Get itemised quotes from two funeral directors. Mid-tier and premium often do the same job at very different prices.
- 02Three speakers max. The eulogy is 800-1,000 words. Read it out loud at home before the day.
- 03Pick music your parent actually liked. Not the celebrant's default list.
- 04The wake needs hands-free food and somewhere to stand. People won't remember the flowers.
- 05Bring a second set of ears to the funeral director meeting. Don't sign on the day.
If you are unsure what your parent wanted for their funeral, what helps?