The funeral
What's required, what's optional, what people actually need. The day itself, in the order it happens.
In progress6 min↓ 447 words
§ Journey
What's required, what's optional, what people actually need. The day itself, in the order it happens.
The funeral was on a Thursday. I gave the eulogy. I'd written it on the Tuesday night, three drafts, and read the final version aloud to my wife at midnight while she sat on the kitchen bench. She told me to cut two paragraphs. She was right.
Less than the funeral industry will suggest.
Legally:
Costs (rough 2026 numbers):
Ask for itemised quotes from two providers.
A good funeral director earns their money. A bad one upsells.
What to ask:
Bring one other family member. Take notes. Don't sign on the day.
Cremation or burial. If your parent left a wish, follow it.
Service style. Religious, civil, hybrid, or none. Pick the celebrant based on the audience, not on tradition alone.
Who speaks. Three people, max.
Music. Two or three pieces. Whatever your parent actually liked.
Flowers. A coffin spray and a few standing arrangements is plenty.
Where after. A wake at the parents' house, a pub, a function room.
People will not remember whether the flowers were lilies or roses. They will remember being fed and being told what to do.
Six to eight minutes. About 800-1,000 words.
Not a CV. Three or four stories that show who they actually were, told plainly. One funny one if it fits the room.
Practical:
The bar is lower than you think. The room is on your side from the moment you stand up.
Eat early. Speak briefly. Stand near the door at the end.
A blunt field guide to the first month after the conversation. Sleep, paperwork, the kids, and the part nobody warns you about.
5 minHow to start the talk you've been rehearsing in the shower for six months. A practical guide to the words, the room, the aftermath.
4 minWhen she ends it and you didn't see it coming. The first 72 hours, the stories you'll tell yourself, and what to actually do.
4 minA self-interrogation guide for the man considering ending his marriage. Not advice. Questions. The hard ones, in order.
5 min