The third-trimester prep
Hospital bag, car seat install, the go-plan, and which jobs actually need doing before week one.
In progress4 min @ 250 wpm↓ 962 words
§ Journey
Hospital bag, car seat install, the go-plan, and which jobs actually need doing before week one.
At thirty-three weeks my partner handed me a printed checklist with forty-seven items on it. I read it twice, then put the kettle on. The list was not the problem. The problem was that nobody had told me which items mattered in week one and which could wait until the baby was eating solids.
This is the bit nobody warns you about. The third trimester is mostly logistics. You become a project manager for an event with no fixed date, an unclear scope, and a stakeholder who is, understandably, not at her best.
Here is what I wish I had known.
The car seat is the only thing the hospital legally cares about. They will not discharge you without one fitted. In Australia most parents get the seat professionally installed (around a hundred dollars, sometimes free through council or private health). Book it for week 36, not week 39. You do not want to be doing this with a contraction timer on your phone.
Things that need to be done weeks before:
Things that can wait until baby is here:
Pack two bags. One for her, one for you. If you pack one bag and she has to dig through your socks to find her toothbrush during transition, you will hear about it for years.
Her bag is hers to pack. Your job is to ask once, then not ask again. Your bag is yours.
What goes in your bag:
Do not pack a suit. Do not pack the camera you bought specifically for this. Your phone is fine.
The plan is not a plan. It is a sequence of decisions made in advance so you do not have to think when your hands are shaking.
Write down:
Put all of this in a shared note. Not a Word document on your laptop. A note your partner can also see, in case you are the one who is unavailable.
The baby will arrive. The to-do list will not pause out of respect.
In the first week you will need to:
None of this is urgent on day one. None of it should be done in the hospital. Write the list, stick it on the fridge, and start ticking after you are home and the dust has settled.
Australian baby retail is a racket. The list of things you 'must have' is roughly four times longer than the list of things you will use.
You will use:
You will not use, in week one:
Buy second-hand where you can, except for the car seat and the cot mattress. Those need to be new or recently checked.
The last few weeks of the third trimester are slow and weird. You will feel like you should be doing something. Most days, there is nothing to do. The work is psychological, not practical.
Walk together. Eat well. Sleep while you still can (and you can, more than you think). The list will get done. The plan will hold. Your job in this stretch is not to fix anything. It is to be the person who is steady when she cannot be.
Pack the bag. Fit the seat. Be calm.
A blunt field guide to the first month after the conversation. Sleep, paperwork, the kids, and the part nobody warns you about.
5 minHow to start the talk you've been rehearsing in the shower for six months. A practical guide to the words, the room, the aftermath.
4 minWhen she ends it and you didn't see it coming. The first 72 hours, the stories you'll tell yourself, and what to actually do.
4 minA self-interrogation guide for the man considering ending his marriage. Not advice. Questions. The hard ones, in order.
5 min