Telling people

When I started thinking seriously about a pivot a few years back, my instinct was to tell almost no one. The few I did tell, I told in the wrong order. The right order, in the right register, makes the next twelve months easier on everyone, including you.

This module is the conversations, in sequence. Partner, parents, kids, current employer. With the actual sentences for each.

Your partner, with numbers

Your partner is conversation one and the most important. Not because she's blocking you. Because the household runway runs through her too, and a pivot announced at the dinner table without numbers is a pivot that produces a panic, not a plan.

Pick a Saturday morning. Coffee, no phone, no kids in the kitchen. Bring three things:

• The honest reason from module 0. Written down. Said out loud.
• The runway maths from module 3. On a single page, including her income.
• The shape from module 2. Adjacent, sector, contracting, business. With timeline.

The script:

"I've been thinking about this for [time]. The reason underneath is [honest reason]. The runway as I see it is [number] months at our current spend, [different number] if we trim the cuttable list. The shape I'm leaning toward is [shape], and if I'm right, the new income should reach [target] by month [number]. Here's the page. Tell me where I've got it wrong."

That last sentence does the heavy lifting. You're not announcing. You're inviting her to find the holes.

A few things to avoid in this conversation:

• Don't open with the romantic version. Open with the maths.
• Don't promise an outcome. Promise an input.
• Don't have it after a bottle of wine. The 9pm version of you over-promises.

Renew this conversation monthly while the pivot is in motion. Same numbers, updated.

Your parents, cautiously

Most men don't tell their parents about a pivot until it's done. The reason is they don't want to worry them. The result is the parents find out from someone else, get the messy version, and worry harder.

A short call, voice not text, after the partner conversation:

"Mum, Dad, just letting you know. I'm going to make a change with work over the next six to twelve months. The numbers are good. [Partner] and I have talked about it. I'll let you know how it lands. Just wanted you to hear it from me."

That's the whole call. Keep it short. Don't take a loan. Don't ask for advice unless they're specifically qualified.

Two exceptions:

• If your dad ran his own business or made a similar move at a similar age, the second call (later) is worth having.
• If your parents are financially supporting the pivot in any way, treat it as a loan with a written agreement, not a gift wrapped in implied obligation.

Your kids, by age

Kids don't need the financial detail. They need to know the floor isn't moving.

• Under 8. "Daddy is going to do different work soon. Same house, same school, same everything else." Done.
• 8-12. "I'm going to change my job in the next few months. We've planned it. Holidays and sport and school all stay the same."
• Teenagers. They've already noticed something. Tell them straight. "I'm leaving [Company] and starting [shape]. There'll be a quieter year while I build it. The big stuff is fine. The smaller stuff might wait."

A few rules across all ages:

• Don't make them part of the pivot.
• Don't shrink their birthday or their Christmas because of the pivot.
• Don't talk about the honest reason from module 0 with them.

Your current employer, only when you have to

The current employer is the last conversation, and the most tactical. There is almost never a reason to tell them earlier than you legally have to.

A simple rule: tell them when you've signed the next thing, taken the next contract, or set a date you can't move.

Three rules:

• Don't share the honest reason. "I've decided to make a change for the next phase of my career" is the entire required sentence.
• Don't burn anything. The exit interview is not the place to settle scores.
• Negotiate the leaving carefully. Notice period, garden leave, unused leave, reference, restraint clauses. Don't sign anything in the resignation meeting. Take the documents away and read them in the kitchen on Saturday.

A note on LinkedIn

Don't announce. Not on day one. Not on day thirty. Not on day ninety.

The right time to announce a pivot on LinkedIn is when the new thing has been running long enough that there's something specific to say about it. Quiet starts age better than loud ones.

The order, the register, the silence

Partner first, with numbers. Parents second, briefly, in the voice. Kids third, by age, in plain language. Employer last, only when you have to.

Tell the right people. Tell them well. Skip the theatre.

Further watching

• Marcus Buckingham: How To Succeed At Work
• Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance | Angela Lee Duckworth | TED