Telling people
Partner, family, work. Who needs the full version, who needs the headline. Scripts that don't make it the topic.
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§ Journey
Partner, family, work. Who needs the full version, who needs the headline. Scripts that don't make it the topic.
The first person I told was my wife, in our kitchen, on a Tuesday night, after the kids had gone down. The second person I told was my boss, six weeks later. The third group I told was three close mates, one at a time, over coffee, with no preamble.
Telling nobody is isolation, and isolation is fuel for depression. Telling everybody is performance.
The right play is scoped disclosure. The right people know the right amount.
If you have one, this is the conversation to have first. The framing that worked for me:
"I want to tell you what's going on. I've been struggling for a while. I think it's depression. I'm seeing the GP this week. I'm getting help."
Four sentences. Names the thing. Names the action. Tells her she's not the cause and not the cure.
What to follow up with, in the next 24 hours:
What you're not asking her to do is fix it.
Default move: tell the people who'd be hurt to find out from someone else.
For most men this is parents (if you're close), one sibling, adult children if you have them.
The script:
"I want to tell you something. I've been struggling and I've worked out it's depression. I'm seeing a GP, I'm getting therapy. I'm OK. I just wanted you to know."
Five sentences. Don't make the call when they're alone and they'll spiral. Don't take their reaction personally.
By age:
Under 8. Don't use the word depression. "I'm feeling pretty tired and a bit flat at the moment, and I'm seeing a doctor about it. Nothing else changes."
8-12. "I've been feeling really low for a while, which is sometimes called depression. I'm seeing a doctor and I'm getting help. We're all fine."
Teenagers. "I've been depressed for a while, I've named it, I'm seeing a GP and a psychologist. The household is fine. If you've got questions, ask me."
The thing not to do: ask the kids to "be good for Dad" in a way that makes them feel responsible.
Tell less than you think.
In most workplaces, "I'm dealing with a health issue and I'd like to take a few sick days" is a complete sentence. You don't have to name it depression.
If you need more:
Pick two or three you'd actually call at 11pm. Tell them straight, individually:
"Mate, quick one. I've been struggling for a while, turns out it's depression. I'm seeing the GP and a psychologist. I'm OK. I just wanted you to know in case I'm a bit quiet for a few months."
Three sentences of disclosure, one operational instruction, and out.
What you're explicitly not doing: announcing on social media. Asking for "support". Performing the depression.
Tell her. Tell two. Tell the boss the headline. The rest can wait.
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